Tom

Thomas Mignerey
1942-2013

Below are excerpts of emails, letters or texts that were sent to me during the bereavement.  I always underestimate the power of family and friendship when going through a difficult time.  Some offered hugs and to hold my hand.  Some offered food when they knew I would need it.  Some offered the empathy that I so desperately needed.  Most of all, all of you prayed.  We felt those prayers.

• I will be praying for you and your family during your hours of bereavement. God will strengthen you all through these times.
• Thinking of you, Michelle and your entire family. Please let me know if there is anything that I can do for you. I love you and I am so very blessed to call you one of my best friends!
• I'm so sorry Michelle Our prayers are with you and your family. There is comfort in knowing that those who struggled in life are now at peace. We all have to hang on to that and remember the good.
• Praying for you, Tyler, Rad and your families. Loss is hard no matter the circumstance. So sorry. ((Hugs))
• Michelle, I am sorry. I almost asked you about your Dad several times lately but the timing never seemed right to open the conversation. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! Losing someone is never easy - sending lots of love! Lylas!
• Love and prayers to you, Tyler and Rad. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. Love and hugs! 
• My thoughts are with you Michelle since Tyler texted me last night...I spoke with Tyler today....y'all are amazing people & It does bring some comfort that everyone is at peace now, although it is still sad, I pray y'all will have strength to get through this. Of course, you & Tyler know I'm here if you need anything!! Hugs & love to you, Ty, and Rad!!
• Michelle I am very sorry to hear about your dad. I saw him a few months ago at the church one Sunday morning and since that day I have prayed for him and you guys many times. I will continue to lift y'all up.
• Shell, so sorry to hear about Tom. All of you will continue to be in my prayers. We are long overdue for a skull session. Love you!
• Michelle, I am so sorry. I will be thinking about and praying for you, Tyler, Rad, and your families. Sending you a BIG hug and lots of love! 
• Sending all of you a big hug and a wave of peace. Lots of love to you!!
• Gosh Michelle, so sorry this has happened. You all are in our thoughts and prayers. Things happen for a reason. Hang in there, if you need anything, please let us know.
• We are sorry to hear about Tom's death. In a way, he was a tortured soul, so hopefully he is at peace now. We're just sorry that you all had a tough time growing up after your mother died. We are thinking of you.

I hesitate to write of the deceased because he is not here.  But, it is also cathartic to write about it. One of the big lessons that I learned about this was to be honest.  I'm not the only person to deal with a parent that was an alcoholic.  I had to come to peace with that a long time ago.  Some of my friends and family send words that only if you've experienced would understand (see below), but help me sort the myriad of emotions when dealing with the loss of a parent.

• Michelle, you have my sympathy and empathy in the loss of your father. In truth, when my father died, I mourned the loss of the man he could have been (and should have been) more than the man he had become.  I still do.  I try instead to focus on the happy memories and the lesson he taught me- both good and bad.
• Michelle, you have been a remarkable lady through the  death of your mother.  The sadness of her death must have given you the addressed focus to what you had to do.  We know she was a beautiful lady.  You had to assume such immense responsibility at a very important time.  Your faith made you whole.  The death of your daddy will again give you another and different sense of you you are.  Michelle, your gentle, sweet spirit coupled with you you are in Christ will again sustain you.  My daughter never knew my daddy and I'm so grateful.  He was not the man I would have wanted her to know or be around.  He was an alcoholic coupled with just not a nice person.

Through all of this, I am again reminded that I am not alone.  I've been blessed to call many people my family and friends.

The Navy Chaplain called me the day before the service and asked me to type up pertinent information to reflect who Tom was.  How do you type up something like that?  I consulted Google and put: "eulogy for an alcoholic ______" immediately, mother, father, son, daughter, husband, wife.  I guess they are a few more of us out there that had a loved one with an alcohol problem.  I thought I would be clicking on spiritual or professional links-- instead all of them were just like this:  personal blogs.  I probably spent an hour reading them.  All in all, I gathered that it was difficult to turn the person into a saint, but everyone is a sinner. It was the torturous process of transformation.  Tom lived two lives within one lifetime.  There was good Tom who was really good—had a heart of generosity and compassion. Good Tom was a man of full of promise and good intentions. He ultimately could not outrun his demons. The basics were to focus on the good and the peace of Heaven.

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-29

God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted  Matthew 5:4

Food from the Church

Flowers at the Service

Memorial Pavilion

Marine Corps Honor Guard

The service was beautiful and Tom would have loved it.

Are you Ready, Ready for this Post?

Coach Ken Carter

The movie came out in 2005.  I missed it and I don't know how because I like movies like that.
I recently attended a conference in Greenville  http://www.greenvillesc.gov/.  It was a great conference.  One of the featured speakers was Coach Ken Carter.  
Here is the link to the movie on IMDB  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0393162/?ref_=sr_1&licb=0.963996946811676  Samuel L. Jackson played Coach Carter in the movie.

I love passionate people and Coach Carter definitely is one.  I took a few notes while he talked. I'm sure a missed a few gems, but I caught as many as I could.

• Validate your ability to be successful
• GOT TO WRITE THINGS DOWN
• Gotta get it done
• Ready, Ready!
• Average isn't good enough, period
• broke vs. poor.  It is ok to be broke, it is not ok to be poor
• Add value to the family name
• Life:  you got to live it
• JOB- is it "jumping out of bed" or "just over broke"
• You only miss practice because you died
• If a kid wears his hat backwards, then I will talk to the back of his head
• We all go through "personal winters"
• We play offense because it is a scoreboard not a rebound board
• Tore up from the floor up
• Change one kid and you change a family
• Haters are misdirected fans
• Acting up means to put me in the game
• Rise as a team
• It begins on the street.  It ends here.
• What is my legacy going to be?
• Run east and you will never see a sunset
• Team will take the personality of the leader
• Opportunity will knock but won't pick a lock
• Everyone lives a movie, who will play you?
• Love all but like some more better than others
• Nothing like a praying mom
• Gotta get in people's faces
• Life delivers what you deserve, not what you need.
• Not you?  Then who?
• You want to inspire vs. motivate.  You want DISCIPLINE
• Advertise to your students:  If you are not in my class, you are missing something.
• Just cause you think you deserve it doesn't mean they are going to give it to you.
• What I see you can be!

Coach Carter and Me

This is one of my favorite parts of the movie (during the lockout)

What I took out of it:  I need to write things down, figure out my deepest fear, look out for personal winters, figure out my legacy, and find an actress to play me in my life movie.  
I know the actresses would be fighting over who would get the job, but maybe it could be narrowed down to:

Anne Hathaway?

Tina Fey?

Katie Holmes?

I will have to get back to you on that one.

Coach Carter was one of the reasons that made Greenville a memorable, enjoyable conference.  It was probably the best conference I have ever attended- I didn't want to leave which rarely happens!

The Strife is O'er, the Battle is Done

I sent the following out as a Facebook message this evening.  I really didn't know how to tell people.  


I know that this note will catch some of you off guard. I wanted to let you know that my dad passed away yesterday at the age of 70 in Deland, FL. It was tumultuous, estranged relationship. He fought his battles/ inner demons and died peacefully. I wanted to thank you for the prayers when we needed them. They brought more comfort than you will ever know. Haley said it well: "Find comfort that he's at peace. He doesn't have to struggle with life that seemed to be quite difficult for him at times". The best thing to come out of this was my bond with Tyler and Rad. We united early on knowing that we didn't have to follow the same path. It is that bond that is holding us now. Prayers are appreciated as we navigate ourselves through this uncharted journey. God bless and lots of love, Michelle


The hymn that I thought about was:
The Strife is O'er, the Battle is Done

The strife is o'er, the battle done; 
 the victory of life is won; 
 the song of triumph has begun: 
 Alleluia! 

2. The powers of death have done their worst, 
 but Christ their legions hath dispersed; 
 let shouts of holy joy outburst: 
 Alleluia! 

3. The three sad days are quickly sped; 
 he rises glorious from the dead; 
 all glory to our risen Head! 
 Alleluia! 

4. Lord, by the stripes which wounded thee, 
 from death's dread sting thy servants free, 
 that we may live, and sing to thee: 
 Alleluia! 

One of my Favorite Quotes

Thanks to my son, I've become a Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter fan.

LOTR

This one was taped to my desk last year.  It will follow me this August.  It applies to me on so many levels.



I chaperoned a group of students to Dallas one time.  On an excursion to the movies, most of them wanted to see a horror movie-- I can't even remember what it was.  The others wanted to see Chronicles of Narnia : Prince Caspian. Neither one of them seemed appealing,  but after watching the Prince Caspian, I, too, became a fan of the Chronicles of Narnia

I loved Susan from the Chronicles of Narnia:  The Lion, The Witch, and Wardrobe and Prince Caspian.  I guess Susan was the oldest girl and I could identify with her.  Why do people want to do away from the classics?  WWII, symbolism of Aslan, love and loss-- it is all there  I downloaded all the movie music to Itunes-- kind of like my mint chocolate chip ice cream--- nobody messes with it but me .


And, then I think I'm the grown up version of Hermione Granger.  I sure wish I owned her pocketbook.  And, muggles do get on my nerves sometimes.  Hermione is Harry's best friend and there is nothing like a best friend.
Her pocketbook is amazing!

"'When you say you've got the Cloak, and clothes...' said Harry, frowning at Hermione, who was carrying nothing except her small beaded handbag, in which she was now rummaging. 'Yes, they're here,' said Hermione, and to Harry and Ron's utter astonishment, she pulled out a pair of jeans, a sweatshirt, some maroon socks, and finally the silvery Invisibility Cloak... She gave the fragile-looking bag a little shake and it echoed like a cargo hold as a number of heavy objects rolled around inside it."

“Hermione had taken his hand again and was gripping it tightly. He could not look at her, but returned the pressure, now taking deep, sharp gulps of the night air, trying to steady himself, trying to regain control. He should have brought something to give them, and he had not thought of it, and every plant in the graveyard was leafless and frozen. But Hermione raised her wand, moved it in a circle through the air, and a wreath of Christmas roses blossomed before them. Harry caught it and laid it on his parent's grave.
As soon as he stood up he wanted to leave: He did not think he could stand another moment there. He put his arm around Hermione's shoulders, and she put hers around his waist, and they turned in silence and walked away through the snow, past Dumbledore's mother and sister, back toward the dark church and the out-of-sight kissing gate.” 
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

“Hermione turned and beamed at Harry; her eyes, too, were full of tears.
‘…then I declare you bonded for life.” 
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Back to reality!  I need to put my hobby aside for a little while and start getting some things done.
The sun came out then it started RAINING!!!!

Spring Break 2013

Disclaimer:
Today, July 6th, I found this post in my draft folder.  Oh my goodness, I sound so worn out.  I'm going to go ahead and publish it as is.... Yikes!  Ironically, major changes occurred after spring break.  I don't know why I had it in my drafts--- probably because the tone was so nasty.  Guess I should have been writing more.  Now, I did have a written journal that I kept from Jan-April.  I need to pull some excerpts out of it.  Maybe I should have gone to the beach for spring break.
Nonetheless, forget my tone and if you have any interest in education--- Tony Danza's book is great.  No matter where you teach, Danza was intuitive enough to pick up on what high school teachers go through each day. 

Spring break 2013- what a catchy title!!
If I have heard it once, I have heard it a million times... (sarcastic adult):  "I wish I had a spring break".  It always seems to be a competition of who works the hardest.  To appreciate the life of a teacher, I think every adult should teach for at least two years.  Education degrees are offered at most colleges and universities.  Yes, I get a spring break.  So, why aren't people knocking the doors down to get a teaching degree?  I believe it is a true vocation where you dedicate your mind, body and soul.
What did I do on my spring break?  The day before break officially started, I was mentally and emotionally worn out.  I needed this time to recharge and get away from the day to day demands of the job.  If I truly worked from 7:30 to 3:30 that my contract states-- then I would understand the disdain of the working public about my spring break.  Truthfully, I go to work at 7 and usually leave between 4:30 or 5 pm.  Usually, there is at least one hour, maybe 2 hours of additional work needed to be done at home.  That means getting up at 4:45 or staying up late.  I have to pick my poison.  Weekends?  Ha ha ha.  Usually, Sunday afternoon or evening is dedicated to prepping for the week.
I'm a big girl and I knew what I was getting myself into when I returned to teaching.  To do the job with passion and correctly, it requires a lot of hours.  Sometimes there never seems to be enough hours.
I finished this book:

I had no idea Tony Danza could be funny.  He wrote the book after participating in a reality series on A and E.  Of course, since I'm working on school stuff, I never saw the show.  Tony Danza nails exactly what we go through on a daily basis.  It is a must read for a high school teacher.
He summed up how I feel at the end of each school year:

Favorite Food

Favorite Food!

I didn't get too out of control--- I went with Day 1!

If I had to pick my favorite food-- that's not too  hard.  There are a few things that I've learned to love that I didn't like as a child:  broccoli and mushrooms.  I still refuse to eat beets, collards, or brussel sprouts-- yuck!

All of these are in no particular order:

Drink:  Diet Coke (I know it is bad for you), water with sliced lemons, unsweetened tea

Dessert:  Italian Cream Cake.  Really the cake part is just a vessel to let me eat the cream cheese frosting.  And, I like to eat my cake out of the fridge

Candy Bar:  Plain Hershey's Dark Chocolate bar.  I loved dark chocolate way before anyone talked about it.  Nobody would eat the little bite-size dark chocolates but me.  That is one candy bar that is absolutely safe in this home

Meal:  shredded BBQ pork/hash-rice/green beans/slaw or pepperoni pizza.  I like my BBQ with red sauce--Mark likes it with yellow.  It is a minor concession because I will eat yellow sauce, too.

Ice cream:  chocolate chip mint.  Once again, nobody will eat it in this house

Bread:  I would eat croissants every morning of my life if I could.  But, that's not happening.  

Cereal:  Special K with blueberries or strawberries.  I always add a banana

Fruit:  Blueberries-- and, those suckers are not cheap if they are out of season!  I made sure to stock my freezer this summer.

Sandwich:  roast-beef! With dill pickles, lettuce, and tomatoes 

Misc:  mozzarella cheese sticks-- I always have them on hand.  Much cheaper if bought from Sams or Costco!  I also love pimento cheese on Triscuits-- I'll eat store kind or homemade.

Salad dressing:  balsamic vinaigrette.  I'll even eat plain balsamic.  If I really want to indulge, I'll have blue cheese dressing.

I'll finish there because now I am hungry.  Bon appetit!

How I am Going to Avoid Writer's Block

Hobbies?  One time I had a student's parent ask me what my hobbies were?  Not a typical question and it caught me off guard.  Hobbies?  Duh.  Being a teacher? Does being a mom count as a hobby?  I don't think so.  Somehow, I had let the years slip by and realized I didn't have any hobbies.  Hobbies meant putting time aside to do something for myself.  Time is always a premium in a busy household.  I can't say on that particular day I started pursuing hobbies again, but it did give me food for thought.
What are my hobbies?  I discovered that I really enjoy cooking/baking. With basic equipment-- my mixer, Cutco knives, and great bowls-- I've learned to make cooking fun.  Sunday dinner is a staple, more or less a tradition that I made sure was going to happen. The rest of the days, I plan out the meals.  I rarely get complaints from the family.  My biggest challenge is trying to remember who likes tomatoes and who doesn't.
I discovered another hobby I like is walking and/or jogging.  I may not feel like going, but I always feel better when I get back.  And, that includes these dog days of summer with yucky humidity.  Exercise really helped clear my mind last school year.  My walking/jogging buddy Kari and I rarely missed a day, even  when temps went in to the 20's.  Maybe we were crazy?  The jury is still out on that one.  We do get those rare spring/fall days that are perfect exercise days.
Now to the point of this post... I discovered that I like to write.  I had to write a lot in a graduate course a couple of years ago.  It awakened a part of me that had been hiding.  I always thought writing as something like an assignment.  I figured the grammar, spelling, mechanics had to be perfect.  Then, I discovered, I need to write whether it makes sense or not-- it is cathartic on so many levels.  I need to make the time to write.
I sometimes write rambling long posts and need to find a way to keep it more focused.
So, in my moments of clarity I thought of Instagram!  Instagram always has daily photo challenges-- so I quickly found some online photo challenges and I am going to make them my own.  Not really original, but it gives me some starting points.  And, when the boys want to confirm that I was crazy... now they have proof!

Do I start with Day 6 or Day 1?

Today is July 6th, so logically I should start with Day 6.... but I'm going to throw logic out the window and start with whatever strikes me.  I like the gratitude idea.  Now, should I start a new post or start here?  I'm going with a new post!  Before I leave this one...I need to give Mrs. Mary Ann Rowell a shout out.  Mrs. Rowel was my 12th grade typing teacher.  She taught me how to type on a manual typewriter.  That makes me sound like I am 90 years old!  Mrs. Rowel covered those keys up and still don't look at the keyboard to this day.  I had also had 6 years of piano lessons which probably helped me ease into typing.  In college, I worked in the education department.  One of my work study assignments was to type the manuscript of a professors book he was working on.  Type, type, type-- that is one think I can do efficiently!  Current students will ask how I can type and look at them at the same time.

Time to Write

I usually start out a lot of posts this way... how long has it been?  Well, I think January was the last one.  To be honest, I'm too lazy to check.  I always think I'm going to start tomorrow.  I figured today was just as good as any other day.  I also think I have to have positive, cheerful stuff.  It is hard enough to read when it is happy-- who in the world wants to read something so melancholy?
I'm going to blame my melancholy mood on the RAIN.  There is nothing I can do about it.  I do not know how people in rainy climates (e.g.  London) can stand it.  I would lose my mind.  I think I saw in the local paper that we've had 22 inches since June 10th.

Lots of changes during the last couple of months.  Some were planned, some were not.

In February, we took R/R and my nephew to an open house at USC.  I figured it is never too early to start college visits.  The personal highlight was meeting Cocky

The kids weren't nearly as excited as me.  It was raining on that day, too.
Shortly after that spring sports started up around here.  Translation:  that means just about each day had us coming and going in different directions.  It is fun and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  The washing machine runs all of the time and there is no such thing as being bored.  We only had a few meets and/or baseball game that ran the same time.  Rain was no friend this spring either.

Easter arrived followed by spring break.  For the first time in my adult life, I hosted Easter dinner.  Everything went just fine... even though I had been cooking for two days.

A favorite tradition of young and old

How blessed we are

Easter brought the flowers in the yard which just make me smile

With spring came change.  After 6 years in one classroom, I will be moving.  Naturally, a range of bittersweet emotions consumed me.  I never thought of myself as a pack rat-- but packing up 6 years worth of stuff took some time.  

I read the following off of a teacher blog that I follow.  She usually writes about technology in the classroom.  But every now and then, she hits the nail on the head with something I'm thinking about: 

I'm struck by the comments of those teachers in transition between schools. Leaving a school must have heartache in it. Every teacher I know who is a great teacher loves their kids and many colleagues at any school - no matter how tough.

Our treasures are not dollars in the bank, but faces that come to mind and the stories that enrich our lives full of meaning. Good teachers are rich. We aren't biding our time, we are building it. When we retire, great teachers have castles of legacy built upon the stories and richness of lives forever changed.

I'm writing this because many of us educators have transition. We may have to give up coaching a sport and move to another. We may have to give up a club to do another. We may no longer be teaching a subject we love and have to move to one we're not so crazy about. If we're parents, we might even have to let our own child move to their upper road without the baggage of an overly sad parent hanging over their heads.   Vicki Davis from The Cool Cat Teacher blog

I will have to post a picture of the new classroom.  103-D is cleaned out and a new teacher will be coming in August.

So true

Neat little picture

I look like I'm trying out for an episode of Hoarders.  This is only part of it.
The rest of it is in my house.

I'm going to wind it up here tonight... I will be more organized next time... maybe!

Cool Cat Teacher Blog: Going to the upper road: when life says "move on"

Cool Cat Teacher Blog: Going to the upper road: when life says "move on": I’m going by the upper road, for that still holds the sun, I’m climbing through night’s pastures where the starry rivers run: If you should...

I have followed Cool Cat's blog for the last year.  She's real and sometimes she gets real close to home.  Transitions are hard sometimes.

UPDATED: Team Zeta 5K Saturday, May 18th - WJBF-TV ABC 6 Augusta-Aiken News, Weather, Sports

UPDATED: Team Zeta 5K Saturday, May 18th - WJBF-TV ABC 6 Augusta-Aiken News, Weather, Sports

Walk Slowly Through the Crowd Because Everyone Has a Hurt

Happy New Year 2013

I didn't get a New Year's post in...but the new year started and here it is already the 13th of January.
We did our annual Polar Bear 5k in Bluffton. 

After the 5k

 This was the first time that I started running it and finished running it without stopping.  This was a major accomplishment.  This running thing, or "just a little faster than walking thing" has been a personal challenge.  It is hard and as I'm doing it, I sometimes wonder:  "why I'm I putting myself through this" and I really am awful at it!  But, it really is like life.  I have to be stretched and warmed up before starting (need to be organized in real life), I have to know where I'm going (set goals in real life), the first mile is the hardest (anything challenging is hard), but after the first mile... I pound out my worries, pray, talk to God, look at things and take one step of time.  I can't worry about how much longer I have to go.  When I finish, I feel better.  Some days (in life and with running) are easier than others.  
So now it is time for my mind, body spirit tour 2013!

Always trying to find Balance

Back to my title.
I found out about my former priest, Martha being diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer yesterday. 

Please pray for Martha as she starts this journey of surgery, chemo, and radiation.   I wanted to send her words of comfort and that can being intimidating when speaking to someone who wears a collar.  They know the Bible better than anyone.  But, just as I tell my children and students to do their best...I want to do the same.

This song came to mind:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ

The lyrics are:
"Blessings"

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

I don't know how I found this song a while back, but it seems like when things are in the valley, this songs reminds me of the mountaintop.  I was searching for something else to send and I came across in another blog:  Cool Cat Teacher.  Her pastor, Michael Catt, said:  "Walk slowly through the crowd, because everyone has a hurt".  Oh, so true!  We never know what burdens people are carrying.

My burdens, your burdens... we all carry them.  I pray that yours are lifted and that you are not alone.

Shell Blog A Lot