Tom

Thomas Mignerey
1942-2013

Below are excerpts of emails, letters or texts that were sent to me during the bereavement.  I always underestimate the power of family and friendship when going through a difficult time.  Some offered hugs and to hold my hand.  Some offered food when they knew I would need it.  Some offered the empathy that I so desperately needed.  Most of all, all of you prayed.  We felt those prayers.

• I will be praying for you and your family during your hours of bereavement. God will strengthen you all through these times.
• Thinking of you, Michelle and your entire family. Please let me know if there is anything that I can do for you. I love you and I am so very blessed to call you one of my best friends!
• I'm so sorry Michelle Our prayers are with you and your family. There is comfort in knowing that those who struggled in life are now at peace. We all have to hang on to that and remember the good.
• Praying for you, Tyler, Rad and your families. Loss is hard no matter the circumstance. So sorry. ((Hugs))
• Michelle, I am sorry. I almost asked you about your Dad several times lately but the timing never seemed right to open the conversation. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! Losing someone is never easy - sending lots of love! Lylas!
• Love and prayers to you, Tyler and Rad. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. Love and hugs! 
• My thoughts are with you Michelle since Tyler texted me last night...I spoke with Tyler today....y'all are amazing people & It does bring some comfort that everyone is at peace now, although it is still sad, I pray y'all will have strength to get through this. Of course, you & Tyler know I'm here if you need anything!! Hugs & love to you, Ty, and Rad!!
• Michelle I am very sorry to hear about your dad. I saw him a few months ago at the church one Sunday morning and since that day I have prayed for him and you guys many times. I will continue to lift y'all up.
• Shell, so sorry to hear about Tom. All of you will continue to be in my prayers. We are long overdue for a skull session. Love you!
• Michelle, I am so sorry. I will be thinking about and praying for you, Tyler, Rad, and your families. Sending you a BIG hug and lots of love! 
• Sending all of you a big hug and a wave of peace. Lots of love to you!!
• Gosh Michelle, so sorry this has happened. You all are in our thoughts and prayers. Things happen for a reason. Hang in there, if you need anything, please let us know.
• We are sorry to hear about Tom's death. In a way, he was a tortured soul, so hopefully he is at peace now. We're just sorry that you all had a tough time growing up after your mother died. We are thinking of you.

I hesitate to write of the deceased because he is not here.  But, it is also cathartic to write about it. One of the big lessons that I learned about this was to be honest.  I'm not the only person to deal with a parent that was an alcoholic.  I had to come to peace with that a long time ago.  Some of my friends and family send words that only if you've experienced would understand (see below), but help me sort the myriad of emotions when dealing with the loss of a parent.

• Michelle, you have my sympathy and empathy in the loss of your father. In truth, when my father died, I mourned the loss of the man he could have been (and should have been) more than the man he had become.  I still do.  I try instead to focus on the happy memories and the lesson he taught me- both good and bad.
• Michelle, you have been a remarkable lady through the  death of your mother.  The sadness of her death must have given you the addressed focus to what you had to do.  We know she was a beautiful lady.  You had to assume such immense responsibility at a very important time.  Your faith made you whole.  The death of your daddy will again give you another and different sense of you you are.  Michelle, your gentle, sweet spirit coupled with you you are in Christ will again sustain you.  My daughter never knew my daddy and I'm so grateful.  He was not the man I would have wanted her to know or be around.  He was an alcoholic coupled with just not a nice person.

Through all of this, I am again reminded that I am not alone.  I've been blessed to call many people my family and friends.

The Navy Chaplain called me the day before the service and asked me to type up pertinent information to reflect who Tom was.  How do you type up something like that?  I consulted Google and put: "eulogy for an alcoholic ______" immediately, mother, father, son, daughter, husband, wife.  I guess they are a few more of us out there that had a loved one with an alcohol problem.  I thought I would be clicking on spiritual or professional links-- instead all of them were just like this:  personal blogs.  I probably spent an hour reading them.  All in all, I gathered that it was difficult to turn the person into a saint, but everyone is a sinner. It was the torturous process of transformation.  Tom lived two lives within one lifetime.  There was good Tom who was really good—had a heart of generosity and compassion. Good Tom was a man of full of promise and good intentions. He ultimately could not outrun his demons. The basics were to focus on the good and the peace of Heaven.

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-29

God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted  Matthew 5:4

Food from the Church

Flowers at the Service

Memorial Pavilion

Marine Corps Honor Guard

The service was beautiful and Tom would have loved it.